Today I have been to a place that I really like and I did have fun, but now afterwards I think about what we just did and that makes me feel stupid for even trying and I am really close to tears. Today I went to a place called "Alboegen", in there you are going into different cells and solve the problem. You need strength and a bright brain. That was some of the things I had but are now not available for me. Brain I still got but my body is not what it was. I'm so sad that I'm not able too do all this, that I don't have the energi to do the things I love anymore. But I have put a goal. I'm going to work on my physical health first and then I'm going to work my way up to be able to train and do what I love.

Feeling pretty good at the moment, had a rough start in the morning but after letting out some steam I feel alright. Now being able to sit down with my dad and going for a ride makes me appreciate life even more. And proud for being strong enough to not end it.

The feeling of letting everything out. To just scream out loud from the bottom of your lungs. That's what I want to do right now, but I can't. Something inside of me tells me to just let it all out and then there is the other part of me, the part of me that has taken all contol I have and tells me to keep it all inside. To feel low about myself to not botherr anyone... That part of me tells me to hurt myself and screams at me to just give up. Every time I try to fight it but I don't always win.

I have lost all control of my body and mind, I don't know how to fight it anymore. But I'm not giving up just jet, I still have a little bit of hope inside of me and i will use it to my advents.

I*m living with depression and i have been living with it since 5 years back. I'm planning on letting all my feelings out in this blog and i know some people can relate to what I'm feeling and hopefully someone can get some kind of help and understanding os what i will write here. I'm planning on writing my ups and my down falls but also things that I take joy of or things i feel alot for. This blog will pretty much be lika a script of my life.